Veterans and the armed forces community

Daren Mitchell is a veteran from Gloucestershire who has experienced Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This is his story…

I joined the Royal Airforce straight from school in May 1979, aged 16. There was absolutely nothing else I wanted to do. I actually lied to my mother. She thought I was going to become an aircraft engine fitter. But I thought blowing things up would be much more fun, so I became an aircraft weapons specialist.

I joined the RAF and my problems started a couple of years later, when I was involved in an explosion. We were preparing ammunition for an aircraft firing exercise and one of the rounds exploded. My throat took the full force of the blast, and I was badly wounded, losing six-and-a-half pints of blood. I was very lucky to survive

Within a couple of weeks of that incident, things really started to get to me. The slightest noise and I’d freeze; a loud bang and I’d hit the floor. I was getting flashbacks and would go into a trance every now and then. The whole sensation was really strange. I tried pushing all of this out of my mind, but that just made things worse.

As well as realising my own mortality I saw a lot of death during my career in the RAF. At the time I was doing my job, like a robot; it was all part of my training. But afterwards, when I was sitting in the Naafi, or at home, all of a sudden my brain just imploded.

The one experience which has stayed with me the most, however, is totally unrelated to my time in the RAF; it was witnessing the death of a child.  A young lad was hit by a car. I saw the incident and, being a first aider, rushed to help. Sadly the boy didn’t make it. I will never forget his face and it affected me greatly. I just couldn’t talk about it at all. Keeping everything shut in became almost like an obsession. I think this is very common with men, particularly among my military friends. We just clam up and say, “I’m alright.”

Early on in my RAF career, I got married. A few years later, my wife was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. We had a son, I was working full-time and I became my wife’s carer at night. Life was difficult. Sadly, my wife passed away in 1995, with my seven-year-old son holding her hand. This was a particularly tough time and further impacted my mental health.

I left the Airforce in July 1992. Next to losing my wife, that was probably one of the worst days of my life. I missed the structure, the comradeship and way of life. During those 12 or 13 years that I served I could tell myself I was alright and just carry on. But when I got to Civvy Street things just started to slide. It was as though all my demons were there, ready to get me. I used to get into arguments quite easily. I would get frustrated and my stress levels would build. I was just getting worse and worse.

I did eventually go on to have another relationship and further children, but my PTSD caused real problems in that relationship. Rather than dealing with my issues, I simply bottled things up. I worked nights to get away from it all, which didn’t help my relationship or my PTSD.

I did finally remarry in 2017. I met my wife Chrissy about nine years ago. She was a palliative care nurse for Marie Curie. Caring for people who are dying, building relationships with her patients and their families, only to see them pass away, could take a huge toll on her emotionally. Chrissy used to open up and talk to me about things, which really helped her – but it helped me too. Even though I still had things boxed up inside my head, listening to Chrissy talk about her problems and worries was helping me indirectly. She is my soulmate and my rock, and has been really instrumental in my road to recovery.

For years I felt constantly depressed, but just ignored it, until eventually it all started to become too much. I decided to go to my GP, who referred me to Let’s Talk. Before I went along to my first therapy session, I told myself: “I’m going to beat this. Whatever it takes, I’m going to beat this.” I was so determined. After attending weekly one-to-one sessions, I reached a point in October last year when I agreed with my therapist that I no longer needed to attend, as I had made such great progress.

Let’s Talk was the key to everything in getting me on my road to recovery. The therapy sessions opened my mind up to function properly, clear itself and put things in the correct place. Where I have those horrible thoughts, I can actually talk about them now. Before I would back away or change the subject. I am no longer ashamed to get upset or emotional when discussing the things which have impacted on my life.

I would thoroughly recommend Let’s Talk to anybody. It is so non-invasive and has done so much to help me. People I know comment all the time about the difference they see in me now. I cannot believe how beneficial the treatment has been.

Brian O’Donoghue is a veteran who has experienced PTSD. This is his story…

Before my road to recovery can be described let me give you some history. I am Brian, a fifty-something born in Liverpool. I grew up with Mum and Dad and my older sister and had a happy childhood and left school to start an apprenticeship in the print sector. I became one of ‘Maggie’s Millions’ during the recession in the mid-eighties and even drove a bus for three years.

Following my mum’s death I made the decision to join the Army and finally in 1990 I ‘signed the line’ and began an eventful and very interesting time with the Corps of Royal Engineers. I served for 12 years and spent time living and working in Germany along with two deployments to the former Republic of Yugoslavia with the United Nations Protection Force. The tours were not particularly pleasant and the tours certainly left an impression on all of us who served during this grim chapter of European history.

It wasn’t until 2001 when I was stationed in the UK with a training unit that things took a turn for me. On a sunny July morning we were called out to the scene of an accident; a tank weighing 70 tons had rolled over and trapped three personnel. It took some time to recover the vehicle and, once the tank had been moved, it was apparent that there had been two fatalities. It was after the tank had been moved my immediate boss and I were tasked with clearing up the scene. This was particularly unpleasant and involved clearing the ground of any human remains.

We returned to our offices and tried to make sense of what had happened and to make sense of the task that we had carried out. A senior member of staff walked into the office and announced quite loudly that we did not need any counselling and promptly exited the office. However, I should have spoken to someone, I didn’t and that was certainly my undoing.

I rapidly went downhill; my mood had likely become low and my life rapidly unravelled with my marriage breaking down and I finally saw a GP in Hereford when on a weekend I simply did not stop crying. I was diagnosed with depression and was prescribed anti-depressants. From this time till my discharge, in May 2002, I heard every single negative connotation regarding mental health. I was threatened with a section, at the military psychiatric unit, and told to pull myself together along with many other similar speeches.

I left the military in 2002 and began my transition to civilian life, as an angry service leaver. I was still on anti-depressants until 2004 and managed my life and felt that I was okay. I had tried CBT but at the time it wasn’t for me. I muddled through until late 2015.

It was late 2015 when I visited my GP, for an unrelated ailment, At the time I was asked “was there anything else?” It was at this point that the dam burst, and I became quite emotional. The years of bottling things up had taken their toll and I finally asked for help. However, I knew that I wanted to be fixed and that I felt confident enough that I did not want anti-depressants but I wanted to be fixed. I wanted the answer to why I was feeling the way that I was.

I was referred to GHC and began my journey with a telephone consultation that revealed that I was suffering with PTSD. I knew that I had PTSD, I was sleep poor and my poor sleep was measured in years, I was prone to mood swings, I was withdrawn, I was tired from keeping up the brave face, work was the security blanket and more than that I was ill.

I attended my first session of CBT at the Benet Building and began the slow process of dealing with my depression and getting myself mentally strong enough to deal with the PTSD. It wasn’t fun, but through coaching and a tried and tested process my mood was lifting, and I was coping better with my life. CBT ended and I waited to be signed off before I self-referred for my treatment for my PTSD.

Late 2016 saw me begin IAPT with GHC and I began the difficult and emotional process of treating my PTSD, dealing with emotions that I had buried for 15 years. It was tough and uplifting it taught me a few new tricks and lifted my mood. I had never spoken about the accident and my emotional turmoil, I can now and that is down to me dealing with the things that I had not dealt with. Looking back I can see that I was very ill and I am quite surprised just how ill I was.

My mental health journey continues as a Mental Health First Aid Instructor and as speaker on a course where I help others understand mental health. An incidental bonus occurred in 2017 when I also decided to improve my physical health. I started to run, something that has helped a lot I truly advocate running, you don’t have to run but anyone can shuffle, walk or run. The benefits are surprising and now class myself as a runner. I am not the fastest, but I have fun.

It was during one the MHFA England courses I was approached by GHC and I agreed to become an Expert by Experience. My thoughts are simple, if I can help one person then I am happy, if I can help shape something that helps others then I would be very happy.

Carolyn Stirling-Yeatman, whose husband Jim has been diagnosed with multi-complex post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), discusses the mental health of veterans and the help and support they both receive from the Veteran’s Mental Health Complex Treatment Service.
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